If being and becoming a Mom is a test for your anxiety, worrying and overthinking everything then, it’s the best one there is. And it’s a journey not everyone gets to experience. I definitely took it for granted, I mean... growing up we were told you could easily get pregnant and how careful you had to be. So why wouldn’t you be able to get pregnant on your honeymoon, or as soon as you wanted? Why wouldn’t this be something in life that could be perfectly thought out and pla

The buildup to having a baby is a big one. The wait. The excitement, the anticipation. It’s a life change, a momentous event. And then the buildup to having a baby when you waited years and went through infertility treatments is even more of a climb. Like hiking up a mountain, without water on no sleep, in the dark… sans flashlight. That kind of climb. And then you get to the top the instant the sun peaks over the mountain and illuminates the whole sky. And you feel that acco

Overwhelm. We are in a world right now where we have information ALL around us, constantly and consistently. It never ends and never stops. Noise. An overload and overwhelm of advice. Information. Should be doings. Buy, buy, buy. I have all the answers. When the only person that ever has the answers is you. Your heart. You are the only one that knows what's best for you and what's best for your journey. You are the only one that's guided down this specific path. You are a uni

It's the pause between breathes where life happens. Where moments happen. Where the fleeting feelings come and go. The quick stomach pang of excitement. The quickening of a heartbeat being caught off guard. And being so connected that you are truly living and not noticing yourself living. The moments so sacred that even a photograph couldn't capture, because that means it's observable. And this is beyond noticing, this is feeling and being. Being so caught in the moment it's

You don't need to wait for someone to tag you and give you permission to feel good about yourself, to post a black and white photo. To feel sexy. To make money, to want to be successful. We tend to down play ourselves as women as to not over shine anyone else. To not make anyone else feel bad or feel not good enough. Because really do we not feel like we are enough, ourselves? You don't need to be asked, to be told it's ok to want things. To want your dream life. It's ok to w

I said goodbye. I said goodbye to a life that I thought I wanted. To a life that I did want. To a life that I worked so hard to get. To make happen. Everything I envisioned, I created. I said goodbye to an amazing place and an adventure for a new life I wanted to create. For a new little actual human life I knew in my heart was on the way. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to what we thought we wanted. To what we needed. To what we needed in order to get to where we are now. S

I posted this exact pic on my vision board. . And then I saw it come to life. Probably about three years ago, after we lost our first pregnancy. It seemed too good to be true. I was just about to turn 35, we were celebrating our ONE year wedding anniversary in a few months and we got pregnant on vacation ! . . Then you hear the words “sorry there is no heartbeat”. And your heart breaks. It breaks over and over and over again with every passing month. Every month with a negati

Yes, I actually wrote that title... it's not the one that came with the template. Been thinking a lot lately about WHY - and the why things happen. I've done a lot of "why me's" in my lifetime. And a lot of those were recent in the last few years. Dealing with #infertility there were a lot of "why the fuck is this happening to ME!"'s. And in times like these no one wants to hear "Everything happens for a reason". PAHlease. When you are hurting, and grieving and sad and dealin

With a positive pregnancy test and a viable pregnancy, Infertility is cured right? All your pain goes away, you reached your end goal and never have to think about it again. ... Think again... This is the day after we found out we were pregnant. I sat on the couch for about 3 days straight waiting for the phone call from Main Line Fertility just like all the other days in the three months prior, waiting for embryo reports, waiting for test results, waiting for blood work, wai