So I was at a baby shower the other day and I heard this statement. In context of someone commenting on one of the women there who had been divorced. And who God-forbid wasn't re-married. I've heard and done work around this before as I've definitely had it said to me time and time again. So let's analyze and see how it works.
Karen: "Oh, is Susie married?"
Diane: "No, she's divorced"
Karen: "Aw, poor thing. Did she get re-married?"
Saying this statement to someone or about someone is VERY DISEMPOWERING. Saying "aaaaaw", in general is turning the person into a victim and projecting that there is something wrong. It also comes from a place of "I am better than."
I am better than you because I can feel bad for you or make you the victim and make myself the rescuer and then proceed to give advice, talk about myself, 'help you' and then I become the hero. You see the pattern? Making someone else a victim does not help them in any sense. Projecting what society tells you to do ie: get married, have kids, etc. onto someone else has more to do with you than it does with them. Why do you think that someone would need that? Everyone wants different things. And just because they don't want what you want doesn't mean it's wrong.
Also, let's be clear Marriage doesn't equal happiness. Half of married people aren't happy where they are. And settling for someone in a relationship just to be in a relationship isn't going to make you happy. Anything coming from the outside environment isn't going to create happiness,... YOU and only you create that within yourself and within your divine connection to self and healing. And this and these comments imply it's better to be married than to be happy because being married 'looks good' and that's what you 'should do'.
This seems to be a generational thought that can and needs to be shifted. We are in the mist of the Great Awakening, and there are a lot of souls coming and wanting to be earth side to get this work done. There is nothing wrong with being married - if that's what YOU want and you are aligned with who and when. There is also nothing wrong with not being married - if that is what YOU want and you are aligned with your truth.
And with making others right or wrong based on what we think is best for them based on our own unhealed projections is not empowering to anyone. Making other people the victim so that we can become the rescuer is part of our worldly struggle at the moment. Because this term and idea comes up in a lot of other situations as well, not just about marriage or having a family.
We tend to say this a lot to kids as well. I find myself doing it sometimes when my daughter is upset or gets hurt and I have to stop myself, and re-think and re-word. What we project onto our children or other people comes from us being unhealed or unhappy in some way. So we can turn this around to and empowering thought in one area and all areas of our life. Come from a place of compassion and love vs. Rescuer and lack mentality. Come from a place of we are one and equal vs. I am better than you. Come from a place of acceptance vs. judgement.
Stay in your lane, have compassion, do the work, drop your own ego.
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