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Saying Goodbye

I said goodbye. I said goodbye to a life that I thought I wanted. To a life that I did want. To a life that I worked so hard to get. To make happen. Everything I envisioned, I created.

I said goodbye to an amazing place and an adventure for a new life I wanted to create. For a new little actual human life I knew in my heart was on the way.

Sometimes we have to say goodbye to what we thought we wanted. To what we needed. To what we needed in order to get to where we are now. Saying good bye to an old life and an old way of being, to create the space for something new.

Us #infertilitywarriors know that we are ready now for that baby. Why hasn't it come yet because we have been ready forever (it seems). So what can we do to not control but create? Not force but flow? Not hold on, but let go?

We have to create space. Create the space in our life for a baby and allow it to happen. Trust me... I am one of the most impatient people around, so 'WAITING for a baby' was one of the most frustrating things I have ever done ! And along the way there is a process that we have to go through because it makes us ready for Motherhood. Ready to be a Mom, and ready for the life that we imagined - because it's not ever quite like you imagined. We have to go through the things in life and say the goodbyes in order to be ready for what's next.

I moved to Hawaii in 2014 - fresh start. Literally my plane landed on December 31st 2013, so that I could start the new year there. Leave behind my old life and start new. And of course things were amazing, but not what I expected... not what I expected or thought would happen. I created the exact life I went there for, and I got a little extra surprise. Because that's what happens when you let go. When you align yourself. That's what happens when you say goodbye, when you release the life you thought you wanted for the life you are about to be given. Love happened. And I realized I was ready for a baby.

And then the baby didn't happen, and didn't happen and didn't happen. Over and over each month. And there was work. Real work, physically and mentally. A challenge to prepare me for motherhood. The greatest challenge and the greatest gift.

The work I had to do was to let go. To say goodbye. Say goodbye to control. To trying to force. My whole life I forced everything. Every single thing down to conversations and outcomes. The eating and not eating. To having a rule book around what I allowed myself to do. Not too much fun, not too many potato chips, not too much happiness.

This is my new way of being. This is the life that I truly want.

And when you say goodbye, when you release, when you surrender... amazing things start to happen. Things fall into place. Things start to manifest right before your eyes. When you go into IVF without control, and with surrender you allow it to happen. You are aligned. (I know, I know this is NOT an easy task). We have so many roadblocks that hold us back. Most of which we don't see. Most of which we don't realize.

So start saying goodbye to the life you thought you had control over. And start saying hello to your new way of being. Fearless and Free.


Journal Prompts:

What life do you need to let go of in order to conceive? What way of being are you holding onto that does not serve your new life? Where are you trying to control your life? What outcome are you attached to? What things are you scared to give up if you do have children? Are you worried your life will change? What if this is successful and you do get your baby, are you fearful of actually being happy and having the life that you want?

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