Going through hard stuff in your life. It's like falling into a lake. Once you do it you can't go back. You can get dried off but you will always have that experience of falling in. You will associate lakes with fearful thoughts. When you walk up to the edge of the lake you will think about the last time or that one time when you fell in. You can't take back experiences and experiences can shape your future. They can make or break it, they can literally create it. And you get

The buildup to having a baby is a big one. The wait. The excitement, the anticipation. It’s a life change, a momentous event. And then the buildup to having a baby when you waited years and went through infertility treatments is even more of a climb. Like hiking up a mountain, without water on no sleep, in the dark… sans flashlight. That kind of climb. And then you get to the top the instant the sun peaks over the mountain and illuminates the whole sky. And you feel that acco

The Surprises. The expectations. And visa versa. Everyone has expectations of what they think this is going to be like, right? Motherhood, being a parent. A lot of the excited expectedness was all the fun times. The zoo, the birthday parties, the laughter, the love. And of course you think about the crying and the diapers and all the hard stuff. Obviously it's going to be hard. And especially when you are an #infertilitywarrior , when you suffered for years #ttc . And you kno

Overwhelm. We are in a world right now where we have information ALL around us, constantly and consistently. It never ends and never stops. Noise. An overload and overwhelm of advice. Information. Should be doings. Buy, buy, buy. I have all the answers. When the only person that ever has the answers is you. Your heart. You are the only one that knows what's best for you and what's best for your journey. You are the only one that's guided down this specific path. You are a uni

It's the pause between breathes where life happens. Where moments happen. Where the fleeting feelings come and go. The quick stomach pang of excitement. The quickening of a heartbeat being caught off guard. And being so connected that you are truly living and not noticing yourself living. The moments so sacred that even a photograph couldn't capture, because that means it's observable. And this is beyond noticing, this is feeling and being. Being so caught in the moment it's

How to tune out to tap in. I've been noticing lately the overload of information that is out there. Like, so much information everywhere we go. Even when you are pumping gas there is a tv with the news on. Facebook, Instagram, ads, ads, ads, signs, billboards, new, news, news, radio, commercials, information overload. Do you feel like you can't get away from it sometimes? And what is truly true vs what's being filtered? And on top of all that it's then everyone's opinions and

I posted this exact pic on my vision board. . And then I saw it come to life. Probably about three years ago, after we lost our first pregnancy. It seemed too good to be true. I was just about to turn 35, we were celebrating our ONE year wedding anniversary in a few months and we got pregnant on vacation ! . . Then you hear the words “sorry there is no heartbeat”. And your heart breaks. It breaks over and over and over again with every passing month. Every month with a negati

We got this, you guys! WE GOT THIS. One step at a time, one day at a time, moment to moment. I recently spent 22 Days, 22 Hours and 43 Minutes in the Hospital (and the only reason I know the exact amount is because they tell you when you 'check out') - or whatever it's called when you leave. ANYWAY>>>>> I was in St Luke's Allentown Labor and Delivery with a high risk pregnancy situation. Going into it, I knew I'd be there for the long haul so I mentally prepared myself as muc

Yes, I actually wrote that title... it's not the one that came with the template. Been thinking a lot lately about WHY - and the why things happen. I've done a lot of "why me's" in my lifetime. And a lot of those were recent in the last few years. Dealing with #infertility there were a lot of "why the fuck is this happening to ME!"'s. And in times like these no one wants to hear "Everything happens for a reason". PAHlease. When you are hurting, and grieving and sad and dealin

With a positive pregnancy test and a viable pregnancy, Infertility is cured right? All your pain goes away, you reached your end goal and never have to think about it again. ... Think again... This is the day after we found out we were pregnant. I sat on the couch for about 3 days straight waiting for the phone call from Main Line Fertility just like all the other days in the three months prior, waiting for embryo reports, waiting for test results, waiting for blood work, wai