The Surprises. The expectations. And visa versa.
Everyone has expectations of what they think this is going to be like, right? Motherhood, being a parent. A lot of the excited expectedness was all the fun times. The zoo, the birthday parties, the laughter, the love. And of course you think about the crying and the diapers and all the hard stuff. Obviously it's going to be hard. And especially when you are an #infertilitywarrior , when you suffered for years #ttc . And you know that even those tough moments are going to be filled with so much love. It's always that way, right? That's the way it's rigged. That's why babies are cute ... and puppies. So our natural instinct is to smother and cover them with love (even when they are annoying). And of course the love is there, always, 100%. I think I love my daughter even more when she is crying because I hurt for her (but that's a whole other post).
But I want to talk about the surprises. And mostly the funny ones. The ones you didn't expect.
The best surprises in life are the unexpected ones.
1. Ok. So surprise number one. ANXIETY. Prepare for your anxiety to be on another level. Like out of this world. Not only (hormones) but you now have a tiny person that you are responsible for. And they are going to grow up in this world. This big scary world and you have not much control over what they are going to encounter and what's going to happen to them. And also you have so much control. Ooooh the control. Too much, not enough. And responsible for dropping this little person. Or over sleeping and not hearing them cry (although I haven't experienced that one yet). Every. Single. Thing you do, they rely on you.
2. Seeing your parents get older before your eyes. Oh yes... and seeing yourself get older before your eyes. I remember looking down at my hands next to her little hands for the first time and was like... wow, I look old ! And having another little human being that you are responsible for. Welcome to adulting big time.
3. Buying TWO of everything. Yes, two of the exact same stuffed animal because - you need a backup. Two of the favorite outfit that you love because - blowouts. Two of the same chewy thing they love because - tossed out of the cart in Target. Two strollers, two bouncy chairs. One that cost $250 that is super cute and goes with your decor and another one that was $25, doesn't match but she loves.
4. Resenting your husband for literally everything he does. He gets to brush his teeth, take a shower, go to the bathroom and *gasp* even go to the gym ! Whenever the fuck he wants. And you start to resent him for it. Like, how does he just get up and go to the bathroom (and stay in there for about half an hour), without a thought. Without thought of another human being. And that's just the way it is. He's a Dad, a man and they think a lot differently than we do.
5. Being a mess. all. the. time. Like, literally everything is messy. Where does the stickiness come from? The slobber, then mix it with dog hair. The house is a mess all the time, my hair and life is messy.
6. I eat my words. Always. I kept saying I wasn't going to be the parent that did this or didn't do that. I was going to be like this and not be like that. And behold, I do the things I said I wasn't going to do. And, it's all ok. I said I'd never have baby stuff all over the house, and there's baby stuff all over the house. I swore I wouldn't worry and be uptight about stuff, and I think that just comes with the territory.
All these things are part of the game, the plan, the the process the surprise. And it's all the best part of life. The learning the unlearning, the becoming, the upleveling and growing into who you are meant to be. BEcoming the Mom you always were.